How I Stopped Seeking Approval and Started Living Authentically

 For most of my life, I lived in the shadow of other people’s expectations.

 I believed that the opinions of my family, friends, and even strangers defined my worth. Every decision, from the smallest choice of what to wear to the biggest life-changing decisions, seemed like it had to pass through a filter of approval. 

And honestly? It was exhausting.

It wasn’t until I faced a moment of deep discomfort one of those moments where you look in the mirror and realize that the person staring back is a stranger that I began questioning why I was living a life that wasn’t truly mine.

 I was tired of performing, of bending myself to fit the ideals of others. 

But the road to living authentically wasn’t simple. 

It required reflection, courage, and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about myself.

The Realization

I remember one afternoon, sitting with a friend over coffee.

 I was sharing my excitement about a project I had been working on, a project I was truly passionate about.

 But instead of celebrating with me, my friend criticized my idea. 

Instantly, I felt that familiar sting the need to defend myself, to justify my choices, to seek their approval.

Later that night, alone in my room, I asked myself a simple question: “Why am I letting someone else’s opinion determine my happiness?” It was a small question, but it shook me. 

I realized that the pursuit of approval had dominated my life, and in doing so, I had neglected the most important relationship I would ever have the one with myself.

Understanding the Roots

Seeking approval is not just a habit; it’s often a pattern rooted in childhood experiences, societal pressure, or past traumas. For me, it began in school.

 I was the type of student who needed perfect grades, not just to succeed, but to feel worthy. Compliments became my currency, and criticism felt like a personal failure. 

Over time, this need for external validation extended into every corner of my life relationships, career choices, even the way I expressed myself.

Recognizing the origin of this behavior was the first step. 

I had to admit that I had been living for others, and that the approval I was chasing was never going to bring me fulfillment.

Small Steps Toward Authenticity

The next step was terrifying yet liberating: I decided to prioritize my own voice. I began small, setting boundaries in everyday situations. 

I stopped saying “yes” to things I didn’t want to do just to please others.

 I started making decisions that aligned with my values, even if they weren’t popular.

One of the first big breakthroughs was embracing my creativity. 

I had always loved writing and sharing my thoughts through my blog, but I constantly held back, worried about judgment.

 I realized that the opinions of others shouldn’t dictate my passion.

 I started writing openly, expressing my thoughts honestly, and sharing my experiences without fear.

The response wasn’t always positive some people disagreed, some criticized but I noticed something remarkable: the weight I had been carrying began to lift. I felt lighter, freer, and more in tune with myself.

Confronting Fear

Living authentically isn’t without fear. 

There were times I doubted my choices, questioned my worth, and felt vulnerable.

 But I learned to sit with those feelings instead of running from them.

 Fear, I realized, was a natural part of growth. The more I practiced authenticity, the more resilient I became.

A turning point for me was learning to embrace imperfection. 

I had long believed that seeking approval meant I had to be flawless.

 Letting go of perfectionism allowed me to be real flaws, quirks, and all.

 And in that authenticity, I found connection. The people who truly mattered appreciated me not for the mask I wore but for the real me.

The Freedom of Letting Go

The most beautiful part of this journey is the freedom it brings.

 When you stop seeking approval, you reclaim your energy, your joy, and your peace. Decisions become clearer, relationships become healthier, and life feels more meaningful.

 I discovered hobbies I had abandoned, rekindled old friendships that aligned with my values, and found courage to pursue paths I had once feared.

I also noticed a subtle but profound shift in how I relate to others.

 Without the constant need for validation, I became more empathetic, more patient, and more present.

 Authenticity doesn’t just change your life it transforms the way you engage with the world.

Lessons I’ve Learned

1. Your worth is inherent, not conditional. No amount of approval can define who you are.
2. Boundaries are essential. 
3. Saying no is not rejection it’s self-respect.
4. Fear is part of growth.
5.  Feel it, embrace it, and move forward anyway.
6. Imperfection is liberating.
7.  Real connections come from showing your true self, flaws and all.
8. Authenticity attracts authenticity. 
9. When you live your truth, the right people and opportunities naturally gravitate toward you.

Moving Forward

Living authentically is not a destination; it’s a journey. Some days, old habits creep back in. The need for approval, the fear of judgment they never disappear entirely. 

But now I notice them, acknowledge them, and choose differently.

 Each day becomes an opportunity to honor my own voice, my own values, and my own path.

Looking back, I realize that the life I feared losing by saying no to others was never really theirs to give it was always mine to claim. 

And claiming it has been the most empowering decision of my life.

This journey has taught me that the only approval you truly need is your own. 

The moment you embrace that truth, life transforms in ways you never imagined.